Filed under: HOT OFF THE PRESS ! | Tags: amnesty international, interview, little john, maid marion, sherwood diamond, thom wolfe
Robin: Alright! For lack of anything better to do, Little John’s Godfather is in town and I’ve roped him into an interview. And no, not literally. Might have been an idea, granted, but I had other ways to convince him to come. Ladies and Gentlemen, may I introduce, with alibi, Thom Wolfe; the man who indirectly started all of this off by teaching Little John’s sister to pick locks, and who much as I hate to say it saved my life when I was six. Give a wave, Thom, the world is watching. Or something like that.
Thom Wolfe: Oh…er… hello?
R: Time to get this show on the road. Thanks for being here today.
T: You told me you were dying. And needed to be saved.
R: Dying to see you.
T: Tricking me is not the way to re-establish a relationship.
R: You came. Didn’t think you would have come otherwise. What can I say? I’m Robin Hood.
T: And I am apparently Thom Wolfe. Inappropriate educator extraordinaire.
R: I thought it was pretty good, my furry little friend.
T: You would. You thought a ghost was going to eat you on Morecambe pier
R: Swiftly changing the subject! Now, I’m sure we’re all wondering… Why did you teach Maid Marion (Little John’s sister) to pick locks at such a young age anyway?
T: Well, I learnt it from a guy in the army and I couldn’t think of another way to keep her from trying to run outside in the rain.
R: Interesting. And it worked, I assume? Or at least, she managed to break into my locker. Which of course wasn’t booby-trapped.
T: With strict instructions that she was never to tell her mother where she learnt it and yet more instructions to bother you with it.
R: There you have it ladies and gentlemen, the start of a wonderful relationship! Or rather part two there of since I met him when I was small…Er.
T: You replaced my toothpaste with shaving cream and burnt a hole in my favourite jumper. Although as I’m a mature adult, I have to say that revenge is wrong. And I don’t even want to know how you got the hole in the jumper.
R: Now the jumper was an accident, I apologise for that. Little John gave me a lighter.
T: Good god, where did he get that? You couldn’t have been older than seven.
R: This is the point where I raise my eyebrow, remind you who you’re talking to, and carry on with the interview. Having taught Marion to pick locks, did you have any idea she would one day use it to help kick start the modern equivalent to Robin Hood?
T: Of course not. I’m not a psychic. It’s a good skill for any young lady to have.
R: Especially one working with noble kleptomaniacs.
T: At the time, you and F- Little John were just creepy kids.
R: And when you first saw us on the news, did you have any idea who we were?
T: I had my suspicions.
R: Which were? So that we know what not to do.
T: Honestly? It was a hunch.
R: Fair enough. What did you think when you had your ‘hunch’?
T: Well…that you kids were in way over your heads and you were going to get caught. Frankly, I’m surprised you haven’t been.
R: Justice is not dead. Luckily neither are we.
T: Justice isn’t dead, but the policing of vigilantism has become greater.
R: Good point.
T: I thought so.
R: And what do you think of our plan? Or, at least my plan. Can’t vouch for The Merry Men so much. And do you give to charity at all?
T: No, but I work for Amnesty international. Your plan is flimsy at best, downright dangerous at worst, but I commend you for attempting what most people just ignore.
R: I shall take that as a compliment. And really, I didn’t know that? … And by flimsy did you know we’ve managed to donate nearly one thousand pounds worth of change to the homeless?
T: Yes and no, I didn’t. But you must admit, your plan has flaws.
R: All good plans have flaws.
T: How long do you expect to save these people before somebody decides that you don’t have the right to anymore? It happened to the real Robin Hood and it may well happen to you.
R: Hmm. Well, when we’re not wanted I guess I’ll hand myself in. Can’t say the same for the others but Robin Hood, if I remember correctly, bit off more than he could chew.
T: Says the woman who intends to go after the diamond?
R: Now, that started off as personal! Long before I started wearing tights on the streets at night. And the plan was to donate it to the University Museum. Very Indiana Jones, granted, but I’ve got my research. I have a friend working in the history department of the university, on the diamond.
T: And what is to stop the real owner from claiming it as their own?
R: Difficult. Robin hid it in Sherwood Forest hundreds of years ago, no one’s found it yet or even proved it exists, per se. The only person who can claim it by this point is Queen and country.
T: Forgive me for being the sceptic, but might the lack of proof on its existence be the boon in your otherwise noble plan?
R: I guess you could say that, yes. But I may or may not have access to a map to the diamond. Aaaaaand that’s all we have time for, folks. Thom, anything you’d like to say before we round this up?
T: As I apparently can’t talk you out of this venture, no.
R: You’ve known me since I was 4, I’m stubborn. But you’re welcome to try your luck on Little John, if you’re really determined.
T: He’s worse than you. Good bye, Robin.
R: Till two weeks Sunday, Wolfe. And burn that newspaper clipping while you’re at it.
